you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
