Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
