I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
