I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
