bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize