she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
