I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
