Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
and she was petting her beer can
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
