there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
