the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
