there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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