Whod you bang
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
