We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
