Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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