shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
