I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
