Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
