I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
