Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
