Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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