I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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