I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
