fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
