he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
ttyl tear gas
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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