hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
