Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
