Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
