mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
