I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
