I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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