Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
