My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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