the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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