My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
