those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
