hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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