Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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