just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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