Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
