She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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