that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
