laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
this hospital has no fireball
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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