His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
