we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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