i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
