people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
