I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
