Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
