omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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