so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Terrible idea I love it
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
