trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
high people should be assigned attendants
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
