Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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