Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
