would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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