Who wears a wallet chain?!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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