remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
