we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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