I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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