i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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