Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
