I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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