i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
