There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
