I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
