I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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