he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Couch. On fire.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
